Day 23 - More Caves, Scarier Caves, and Heading North (Wed, Mar 14)

The Tyranny of Sunrise
(a sad elegy on facing east, by JQ)

When she wakes up this morning, the first thing JQ says to me was (in a sad voice): "why did you pick such a sunny room?"

It's 8 a.m., and our room faces east, and the curtains dim but do not block out the sun.  I apologize for the solar system, and the Earth's obstinate insistence on rotating around the sun at regular intervals, and she seems mollified by my apology.  Or perhaps she has just lapsed back into a coma.  Nope, she's alive - just lounging!

Anyway, post-lounging, we head down to the Lazy Trout restaurant in the hotel, where JQ manages to annoy the long-suffering server with her many questions about gluten.  For once, we think that the cause of annoyance is not JQ per se, but just that the server has already had a busy morning (because most people don’t lounge around anywhere near as long as us).

After breakfast, JQ wanted another 20 minutes to commune with her delicious coffee that brings her happiness, so I went back to the room to pack up my things and load them in the car, then did a little wandering.  We checked out (as per usual) at 10 a.m.

At the front desk, there was a fancy guest book to sign.  JQ signed her name and comments, and then dates them from the future (March 15).  When I pointed out the date discrepancy, JQ threw the book on the desk in a snit and made a giant clattering noise.  The clerk was startled, and immediately added a surcharge to our room rental.  I cannot blame her.  Anyway, I signed the fancy book after JQ, making sure to put the correct date. Years in the future, some historians will find this book, and come to the conclusion that JQ was a time traveller.  Then they will dig up her bones and do scientific experiments on them.  They are going to be so disappointed. 😄

After a quick stop at the Waitomo Caves gift shop (because I accidentally picked the wrong parking lot), we headed off for our tour of the Aranui Cave, which is actually way down the road.

Of the three official cave tours in Waitomo, Aranui is the only one that does not feature glow worms, as it is not above a river, and it is the smallest of the three caves.  However, we do get to see something new to us: a weta!  As you may recall from our visits to Weta Workshops, a weta is kind of an ugly jumping bug.  The ones in the cave are quite small and stunted compared to the ones that live outside (apparently those can get to 20cm?!?  That seems crazy).

Anyway, JQ and I are interested, and lean in close to see, while a few others back away, especially when the tour guide warns they can jump really far.  But they didn't do that today, they just scurried out of the light and back into the shadows.

Our guide today pretty much grew up with these caves, as her father was the chief of the area and used to look after them.  She talked about the way the stone formations happen, but she also pointed out how you can use your imagination and discover figures or scenes in the rock formations, much like you would when watching clouds.

Stalactite chamber	Protecting stalactites from human dunderheads
So many different types of stone shapes	I think this may actually be a fossilized alien
This one is called "The Nativity"	This one is called Jabba the Hutt

Our guide tells us the story of how she had to change some of the lightbulbs when she was about 10 years old, and then her brothers turned off all the lights on her.  Of course, this being a cave, it was pitch black and so she screamed.  JQ bonds with her, and tells the story of how her brothers used to lock her in the basement.  (Yes, guys, she's still telling everyone she meets about that.  If her friends say, "oh I've heard so much about you" when they meet you, now you know why.)

There are also areas of Aranui Cave where tours no longer go, because too much damage was being done.  And, on another depressing note, the tour guides are also not supposed to talk about the medicinal effects of plants on the walk to the cave, because dumbass tourists would then remove said plants and mushrooms if they were pointed out to them.  Like I said, this is why we can't have nice things.

With this tour done, now there is only one left... the one that has been making me anxious.  Stupid JQ and her stupid ideas of fun. 😱

We drive out to Black Water Rafting Company.  I've noticed that one of the tour requirements is "bring your own swimsuit," and I don't have one.  I ask one of the desk clerks about that, and she says she I can borrow something from their lost/unclaimed items (yes, they have all been laundered).  Sounds like a plan.  Let's go see.

Somewhere in the world, there is an ice dancer missing her costume.  I swear, it is a long-sleeved ice skating dress, complete with the flouncy skirt, but it also has leggings attached.  It's like an ice-dancer onesie.  "WTH is this?!" I ask.  She laughs, and doesn't know how it came to be here.  Then I pull out another suit.  "WTH is this?!?"  Let me describe it.  It's a leopard-patterned bikini bra top and bikini bottoms, except it is all one piece, because there is a blousey see-through sausage casing sewed in between.  But it wouldn't be a tight sexy see-through number - I'm telling you, it was boxy and blousey.  I am beginning to understand why these items of clothing were unclaimed.

She finally offers me one of the company's thermal tops that I can throw on over a sports bra, and I can wear my capri leggings because they are spandex.  (No cotton, because I don't know why.  Reasons.)  Whew.  Thank goodness we have that sorted - now I won't have to go full ice dancer.

Back to the serious business:  JQ and I have to fill out a form, acknowledging that "extreme adventures" (Good Lord, this qualifies as an extreme adventure!) come with some risk, and that we acknowledge the risk and will follow the rules or risk injury.  Then we have to disclose any injuries (current or previous), medications, etc.  I check off that I have had ankle issues in the past; JQ checks off her shoulder issues from the past. We do get quizzed on that, but both of us think it won't be an issue.

We still have about an hour to wait before our tour starts at 1:30, so JQ and I go to their cafe - The Long Black Cafe (I feel like they're really working their theme here) - to pick up some lunchy munchies.

By the way, did I mention that our tour is auspiciously called the "Black Labyrinth"?  No one ever gets lost in those things, right? Turns out that all of the people booked for Labyrinth tour today are all here early, so they ask if we're okay starting at 1:00 p.m. instead of 1:30.  Sure thing! That will help unsquish our timelines a bit.

There are only six of us: JQ and I, and a Japanese family of four.  Nice small group!  A full group would be 12, with two guides.  Since we're only six, we've only got Harry as our tour guide.

First order of business is to get suited up in the wetsuits.  But, no wait, first let's talk about the rules.  Harry tries to get us to guess.  What should we never do?  "Don't touch the rocks?" JQ guesses, because we have been indoctrinated on our multiple cave tours.  "You're going to be crawling through caves," he reminds us, "you have to touch the rocks.  Don't touch any stalactites, but that's different.  No, what else would I not want you to do?"  He gives us a hint.  It's to do with the wetsuits.  What is something terrible you could do to the wetsuits, and stinky.  "Don't poop in the wetsuit!"  Well, close enough.  Don't pee in the wetsuit.  If you do, not only will it stink, but it will also drain down into your booties, and your feet will be marinating in your own piss, and it will be disgusting.  So don't do it.

Honestly, I feel like this is one of those things that should go without saying... and that fact that he does need to say it means that there are dimwits who have done it.

Okay, so no wetting of the wetsuits.  Gotcha.

He hands us wetsuits, jackets and booties, and we head to the change rooms.  It's a bit snug fitting my wetsuit over my thermal top, but I'm doing better than JQ who is lurching back and forth as she tries to jam herself into her wetsuit, while her suit is making those squeaky rubbery "hell no" noises all the while.  Guess Harry did not take JQ's daddy-long-legs into account, and she has to stagger out and get one size larger.  Much better!

Styled for spelunking

We're wearing rubber suits and socks, and rubber jackets, and we complete the look by adding amazingly stylish (no, not really) rubber boots to our getup.  Is anyone else getting hot in this outfit, or is it just me?  Don't forget your caving hard hat with the headlamp on the front.  Now we're ready.

Piling into the van, he drives us back to Ruakiri Cave.  JQ tries out some of her researcher questions on him, like 'what did you do before you did this, and do you plan to do this forever', but he skews her results as he makes up some story about being a cook, then later admits he made it up, but never gives a straight answer. 😄

Harry takes us to a stream, giving each one of us an inner tube, which will hopefully keep us from drowning.  Then, moving onto a platform that is about 8ft above a stream, he shows how we will have to hold the inner tube, then lean backwards and fall into the water.  Um... okay.  And we're all going to do a practice one (eep!), but on that 2ft platform next to this one.  Thank god!

Nevertheless, even at The Diving Platform for Weenies, I am not happy about falling backwards into the water.  When I am not happy, sometimes I will swear.  "Mothertruckerrrr---"SPLASH.  It seems like a tidal wave of water washes over me, but I stay afloat.  All six of us successfully graduate from Weenie Diving School.

Now we are trekking through the woods, and he climbs down into a rocky depression, where we can see several cave entrances.  It seems that her family did not tell her what kind of tour this was, because the Japanese woman points at the rocks and says, "We are going... in there?" Yep, we are. She says she is nervous, so I tell her that I am a giant chicken, and she will probably be braver than me, and besides, JQ is going first on everything.  JQ is not so sure about that, but I am insistent on that point: you drag me into underwater caves to die, then you have to go first.

In we go.  JQ takes point.  Harry tells her to go left, left, left then right, and don't go down any holes.

Let me tell you something that I have learned about caves: they are full of rocks.

And you're thinking, well duh, of course they are.  But what I mean is that this area of the cave has not been made nice for you.  It is completely natural, the only additions to the cave are a few ropes clipped into a wall to keep us from floating away.  No paths have been cleared for you, there are no stairs.  So, it is full of rocks that want to shift and turn under your feet.  Rocks that want to whack you in the shoulder or smash your shin as you crawl by.  Rocks that really want to trip you, or catch your ankle, and whenever you do fall over, there are other rocks waiting to catch you in the bumpiest way possible.

Rocks don't care about people. Rocks are mean and hard and cold.

When we were crawling through the caves, JQ thought I was swearing because I was claustrophobic.  Not at all.  I was swearing at the freaking rocks, and also I like the way my swears echo underground.  Gives it a little extra zing.

Once we exit the cave tunnel, we are back in the water.  Harry stops a few times, once to show us an eel, which is swimming in the shallow waters, and the other time to show us a strange-looking rock in the water.  It is actually the fossilized rib of a whale, from way back when all of this limestone was at the bottom of an ocean.  Estimated to be 52 million years old.  That's pretty cool.

When we get to deeper water, we all do another backwards weenie-dive into the water.  Survived.  But the big waterfall is still to come.

We can tell when we're there by the roar of water.  It is very loud.  This is the part where we have to follow instructions, or possibly break our legs like that other guy did.  JQ goes first, because she might be the only decent swimmer who understands English (mostly), and Harry is giving her instructions to corral the rest of us when we go over and not let anyone float away.  She goes to the waterfall, and then drops backwards over the edge, letting out a bloodcurdling scream.  She claims she only did it to make me scared, but I know she is a weenie at heart (unlike me, she just won't admit it).

Now it's my turn.  I glare at Harry as I approach.  "Mothertrucker.  Sun of a beach."  Stand on the edge of the rock, then turn around, with your heels hanging off the rock.  "Gosh darn it, I'm gonna forking dismember JQ."  Then you just have to fall backward into the water, and you may as well scream as you go.

The gang's all here!

There's another tidal wave of water as I hit the bottom, but fortunately, my inner tube saves me, and keeps me afloat.  Yes, I have gone over the waterfall and I am still alive.  I will not have to become a fossilized remain at the bottom of this cave.  Yay!

With the most scary part out of the way, I can enjoy the rest of the tour, which mostly involves floating downstream in the dark, looking up at the glow worms overhead.

Harry wanted someone to sing a song, so JQ and I regaled the group with our rendition of that famous Canadian song, "the theme from the Littlest Hobo."  The Japanese group sang something Japanese (I can't say I recognized it).  Eventually, we float back to daylight, and climb out of the river.  Harry is pleased that he came into the caves with 6 tourists, and that he is also exiting with 6 tourists.  Success!

We drive back to Black Water headquarters, where we must now remove and wash the wetsuits, hang them to dry, and head to the showers.  Our clothing smells like cave water.  Which kind of smells like old lake algae or something.  Definitely going to do some laundry when we get to our motel!

We get a complimentary soup and hot toast.  The soup ingredient suit JQ, and not me, so she has extra soup, and I eat all of the toast.

On the road again, heading to Auckland

Then it's time to drive back to Auckland, where we are spending our last few days before flying home.

Since the cave tour started earlier than expected, we should arrive in time to avoid a late check-in.

Oh, and while neither JQ or I suffered any permanent damage in this adventure, I could definitely tell that my bad ankle was getting stressed by the unsteady surfaces.  Next time I do some extreme crazy activity (which will not likely be soon), I will be sure to wrap that ankle up first.
😎